Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
