Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
