Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
