and you said cock pushups were impossible
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
