My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
