you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
