Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize