i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
