My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
