So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
