Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
