2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
