You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
