Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
