this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
