She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
