I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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