Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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