Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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