You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I have tasted many bathrooms
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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