i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
