No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
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Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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