there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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