I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
