He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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