you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
