My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
