dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
