where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize