I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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