I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
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He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
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A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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