90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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