she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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