Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
