I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
