I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
