My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize