Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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