Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
