East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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