God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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