Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
