If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
