Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
