so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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