Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
