My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We named our party play list daddy issues
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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