So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
