I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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