Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize