he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
