apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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