Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
