but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
