so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
