Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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