Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
