32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
