So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
